Monday, December 29, 2008

Passing The Mustard (Gas)


Apparently Zach was not the only child who received an iPod Touch from Santa this year. Sales of this device skyrocketed during the holiday season and drove several more "childlike" games to the top of the iTunes store sales charts.

Case in point: The best selling application in the entire iTunes store right after Christmas was "iFart Mobile", a utility that is best described by it's marketing material:

"Previously you had to carry three separate devices: a phone, an iPod, AND an electronic fart generator. Now they have all been combined into one glorious device."

Now, remember, the iTunes store has huge sales volume. Huge. They have sold hundreds of millions of applications in the last few months.

Fart generators, at 99 cents a "pop", are big business.

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Food Of Christmas


More Presents!





Indy In Lego


Zach's grandparents gave him this cool Indiana Jones Lego set, which he assembled in no time with a little help from his old man.

Silver Shoes

Maddie's Christmas wish for shoes, fulfilled in full.

Note the discarded "suddenly out of fashion" shoes in the background.

Christmas Fun

Out To Lunch


I've been so busy Facebooking my family lately (there has been a mass takeover of Facebook by my peeps, I think we populate 97% of all new accounts now) that I haven't blogged much.

Of course, I have also spent considerable time showing my iPhone off to everyone who will listen, but the upside of my new found extreme mobileness is that I should be better at squirting out the updates.

Hippo Cookies And The One Ornament Tree



Well, our Christmas was very different this year. The new house, not yet completely unpacked, as well as the new baby and all she entails has forced us into a sort of Christmas Light this year.

We used an artificial tree instead of our beloved Fraser Fur. And we only managed to put one ornament on it, "Baby's First Christmas". To top off the anti-climax, we couldn't find the Christmas cookie cutter shapes, so Heather's sugar cookies came in hearts and hippos.

A trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to see Santa fell though as the jolly fat man was overbooked by then.

I guess if we have a new year's resolution this year, it will be to get back into the routine next year, tree-shaped cookies and all.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

An Artifact From The Future

I am loving my new iPhone, and I am now convinced that there isn't anything this device can't do. I can email, blog, and check Facebook all from the comfort of my pocket.

I've heard it can even make phone calls, but I can't imagine needing to do that.


Posted with LifeCast


London Calling

Hi there, elves & snowpeople. Just a short note to wish you a happy present-fest!!


Posted with LifeCast

Monday, December 22, 2008

Spinning At Parties


We traveled over the river and through the woods to the Weiss' house for their annual holiday extravaganza. Carol was kind enough to stock the place with excellent wine and we all had a great time.

Zach learned the fine art of upside-down dreidel spinning, frozen here using high-speed photography, for all to see, including Jay who didn't believe it for quite a while.

Despite off and on attempts, I never really mastered that technique so we can chalk this up to another thing my 9-year old son does better than I do.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Voodoo Magic


We had a crazy, noisy, restless night. Madison showed up in our bed as usual, but this time she started crying and wouldn't stop. She was about to wake up the baby so she was ejected back to her room. She did not like that at all. She eventually ended up back with us, although I have no idea how.

In the midst of this, Jake, who can sleep through a 6.5 pretty well most nights, woke up and blasted through the child gate and didn't stop until he was sitting on the reading chair on the far side of the living room downstairs. I had to go retrieve him and he didn't want to come back.

There was voodoo magic in play, for sure.

Artificiality


For the first time in, well, for the first time ever we are not getting a real tree this year, and instead using an old artificial one. Just too much going on to go out and get one. We will dearly miss our annual Frasier Fur (our favorite), but not to worry, next year we'll get an extra big one.

A Little Nap

Tapas And The Power Of Juju


Our good friends and fellow wine & tapas lovers The Cunningham's sent us an amazing house warming gift basket filled with Spanish delicacies galore! Thanks you guys! We miss you! And we'll toast a Rioja to you when we eat that Serrano ham and those Marcona almonds!

Dennis Took His Toys And Went Home


Hey Dennis, we all miss you in the blogosphere. Please come back, we have noticed the level of acerbic wit around here has dropped off sharply since you left us.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Falling Awake


We have configured a chain-rection of sleep that falls apart on a nightly basis just like dominoes. There are various ways it can go, but here's an example:

Brooke cries and wakes up Heather. Maddie sleeps lightly and wakes up soon afterwards. Maddie wakes up Zach fiddling with the gate at our bedroom door. Zach comes in and wakes me up.

The dogs, as always, sleep thought it all. The one true universal constant.

One Week


Seven short days until iPhone heaven! No more trying to remember my schedule. No more going to Panera to check my home email. No more boring meetings. No more structurally-challenged phones.

Queen Mommy And The Otoscope


Madison knows what an otoscope is. She picks things like this up very rapidly. She has now begun integrating it into her everyday conversation.

Mom: (Talking to Brooke about Mads) "Is this your sis?"

Mads: "I not sis, I the big princess! Brooke is the little princess."

Mom: "Does that make me the queen?"

Mads: "Yes, the queen with the otoscope!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bikini Phone


Heather's phone has entered into an advanced state of deterioration, brought on by years of hard use, drops, washes, toddler abuse, and a clumsy husband.

It has officially blown through cell-phone middle age and is headed for the recycling center with astonishing rapidity.

In fact, I call it the "Bikini Phone" because it is now in two pieces. The only thing holding the old geezer together is a thin electrical connection strip. It's almost impossible to take a call on.

Heather would already have replaced this phone by now, but we are getting our new iPhones on the 24th and she only has 8 days left to hobble this thing along.

We half-jokingly discussed burying it in the yard in a small family-only ceremony, with cookies and milk afterwards.

Plumbing


I now have reconfigured the digital plumbing such that my posts to Flickr and Blogger now both get channeled into my Facebook account. They show up under "Notes".

Just one more way for me to tie my disparate cyber-streams together.

Optical Illusions


Zach went to the doctor yesterday for an eye issue. Terrorized as he has been by that fateful episode of "How It's Made", he was afraid he would need an artificial eye. Turned out the problem was a chemical irritation of some sort, so we came home with a box of allergy meds.

No artificial eye was required, at least this time.

Intrusions


I know a guy who used to play minor league baseball. He's quite a character. He chews tobacco like a machine, carrying around a clear plastic bottle to spit the juice into at regular intervals.

I once asked him if he took up chewing tobacco during his baseball years. He replied:

"Yeah, that and the drug habit".

Anyhow, he is full of the most amazing stories, accumulated through years of hard bus travel and post-game partying.

One night he was in a casual bar in Dallas with some friends, everyone was relaxing and drinking on a set of couches in the corner. An older man walked in, wearing a suit and full of vigor. He walked right up to Chet as if he had come looking for him, and took his hand, shaking vigorously as he introduced himself as "Dr. Johnson". He was carrying a brown shopping bag. He asked if he could sit down and join them.

He seemed like a friendly guy so they said "sure".

He put his bag down on the coffee table nearby and proceeded to tell stories and jokes to his amused new friends for hours. He was an amazing story teller and he had a very genuine, outgoing personality. At long last it was time for him to go.

He stood up and started to leave, then turned around, pointed to the bag he had brought, and said "You know, you guys are great. I want you to have this".

With that he walked out of the door and nobody at the table ever saw him again.

For quite a while they all stared at that bag and wondered what could possibly be in there. When they had a few more drinks and gained the courage to open it, they found a gift-wrapped box.

Inside was a gift-box of sex toys, titled, in bold letters: "Doc Johnson's Anal Intruders".

Yes, Dr. Johnson was quite a character after all.

Black, By Popular Demand


Here's another shot of Bernand, posted to satisfy his legions of fans who have written, called, and threatened me for more Bernard ever since he made his timid debut.

Jim, A Year Wiser


Happy Birthday Jimbo!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Hot & Cold Running Water


We have a faucet at work in one of the restrooms that hates me. This is a sort of binary tap; it runs either:

1) Icy, North Atlantic, Titanic just sank out from under me, bitterly deep-space cold.

2) Smoking, three-alarm, hand-scalding, lobster boiling hot.

There is no compromise. Oh, I have tried. You can occasionally get it right smack in between the two extremes, but even then you can feel the violent mixing, as the two enemy-temperatures fight it out on your skin.

"Rollin' In My Six Fo"


Dennis drives a barcalounger now. The great American land yacht. He "dove on the grenade" for his son and gave up the good car.

I had the opportunity to ride in this grandpamobile last night. It's so mushy you could probably run someone over and not know it. There is no way I could remain awake while driving a car like that.

It's basically a nursing home on wheels.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Cool Stuff, Coming Soon


Technology springs ahead, unbounded. How about a flexible printed display, almost indestructible, mostly plastic and very inexpensive to manufacture? Oh, and it looks better than your HDTV. Think of the possibilities.

It's coming. Soon. It already works.

Around The Corner


Christmas is approaching fast! Maddie has found all the "Chris-chris trees" on the block, and she's all excited about finding out what Santa is going to bring.

Zach is officially an Atheist with respect to Santa. He can give you at least five reasons why he knows gifts are purchased by parents, from lack of chimney access to travel time restrictions to complete vacancy of physical evidence. He is excited nonetheless.

Heather and I are looking forward to Brooke's first Christmas. Even though she's too young to know what's going on, she'll look SO cute in a fuzzy red elf hat.

12/11


Happy Birthday, Mommy Nichols!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Gherkin


We had another eventful day with Brooke...or more accurately, Heather did while I was at work. Brooke has a bad cough and a trip to her doctor turned into a trip to the ER, X-Rays, medication, and viral swabs. Turns out she has a viral upper respiratory thing. She looks so pathetic breathing, and her cough sounds like a dog barking. A small dog, but a dog nonetheless.

Get better, my little fuzzy-headed gherkin.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Another Meeting


Jay and Carol and Ben came over last night and brought us Middle-Eastern food for dinner! They wanted to meet Brooke in style! Thanks Weiss family!!!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Sledding Locally, Very Locally


We tried out the kiddie sled hill in our backyard this weekend. It was no Matterhorn, but with a good low-friction sled and a running start, it works!

Little Teeth

On His Way


Zach is getting to be so big and strong. He's more like a little man than a big boy now.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Me & Meg

I've been exploring the "This Is Your Life" world of Facebook lately, and I am collecting old friends like playing cards. It's great hearing what everyone has been up to.

Oh, and I found Meg White and she accepted me as her "friend". Well, me and 1,000 other people, but that's less friends than Carol Weiss has, right?

So I must be special.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Now, 25% Wilder

The World of Wild needed a proper masthead, so I dug up an old black bear pic I took at the Detroit Zoo and Photoshopped him into a state of extreme wildness. My intent was not to terrify, so I apologize if you did not finish reading this post because you went running down your street screaming.

I call him Bernard.

Everyone please welcome Bernard. He's a little shy.

P.S. No jokes about any perceived likeness between Bernard and me, besides the obvious handsomeness we share.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Pop!

"Here's Looking At You, Kid"

Daddy's Girls


Ingrid sent us a box of Madeline's really nice clothes for Brooke. Thanks Ingie, Brooke loves them!

Heather was giving Brooke a bath today and showed Maddie one of the new shirts.

Maddie said "Thats cute, Miss Mom"

HB said "Yes, it is cute, like you are Brooke are"

Maddie said "Yeah, Daddy's girls are so cute!"

Little Girl, Big Yawn

Deuxièmes Crus


Heather and I popped open this great "second-growth" Bordeaux the other night to celebrate our new second daughter. It was really good, as unromantic as it sounds to "pump and dump" a Cos d'Estournel.

Fuzzy Nose


Picture courtesy of my lovely redheaded wife, who somehow found the time in between diaper changes and feedings to snap this.

Back Of The Jacket

We got some time to do a little impromptu photo shoot when Alisa was here. As you know if you read her blog, she's an excellent writer. I think this photo looks like a perfect back cover author photo, don't you? Nora Roberts has nothing on her. Maybe when she's published she'll let me take her official photo!

Alisa, here's my resume, in color and B&W:


Those Fifth Graders


Zach came home from school yesterday reciting this poetic gem, overheard apparently from one of those worldly 5th graders:

"Billy had a willy that was six feet long
and he showed it to the girl next door.

She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake
and now it's only five-foot-four."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Aspect Irrationality

This post if going to come off as super-stuffy and very "Rossini-fanboy-esque". Just another facet of crazy me, the things that go through my head, committed to the blogosphere for all to ponder or wrap fish in.

I have always been a bit of a purist when it comes to movies. I will not watch a movie that has been altered from it's original form if I can help it. This includes reformatting, dubbing in English, and "editing for content or length", among many other offenses. Some people don't care, but for me, it ruins the experience.

Moby Dick is a great book. I've read it. It is convoluted and difficult to understand in parts, and there are sentences a mile long with a dozen semi-colons. But that's a big part of the charm. And it's a work of genius, largely because of those quirks. If you took Moby Dick and rewrote it to better fit the dialects of today, you would ruin it. It's not that you would be changing the story, but you would be changing the telling of the story, and that is just as important, if not more so.

The director and photographer (who is called a cinematographer in movie lingo) plan for a movie to look the way it does. They agonize over the construction of every shot angle, film stock choice, and lighting setup, trying to get just the right "look and feel" to tell the story the director wants to tell...to match that vision. Composition is instrumental in driving the narrative and meaning is conveyed through the relation and arrangement of the characters and props to their environment.

In the old days before television drove all the movies to wide screen, movies were generally shot at an aspect ratio of about about 1.33:1. So all the action and composition was set up to harmonize with this shape.



In the letterbox, or "scope" era, directors now have a wider stage on which to set their visuals, which they make use of in very deliberate ways. But in order to show a scope movie on a standard television, you have to either 1) matte the picture with black bars at top and bottom, or 2) chop it to make it fit. This is called "Pan & Scan". Unfortunately, option 2 is chosen much too often, because in doing that, the average viewer won't be wondering what the black bars are, and many won't notice the alteration.



But I do, and it makes me cringe.

Of course, with the advent of wide screen television (the 16:9 aspect ratio of HDTV was chosen to coincide roughly with the common 1.85:1 "Academy Flat" ratio), we now have a perfect excuse to eliminate that evil and vile Pan & Scan from our lives forever. Worst case, ultra-wide movie formats like "Anamorphic Scope" at 2.35:1 will have moderate black bars even on a wide television, but that's acceptable.





I love "foreign films", such as those of the greats like Kurosawa, Fellini, and Truffaut. And I hate when some idiot exec chooses to dub them in English to try to increase sales. It's not that I like reading subtitles, but I like to hear the actual voices, even if I don't understand the words. Luckily, there are companies out there like Criterion that are as fanatical as I am about original presentations.


There is pretty much no need to change a movie anymore. No compromises are necessary to see it at home. And more people are learning about the benefits of watching moves the way they were intended to be watched (albeit on a smaller screen).

Now I'm just waiting for some joker to get the idea to start cropping the old 1.33:1 movies top and bottom to fit the new wide screen displays. Grrr. Can't win.