Intrusions

I know a guy who used to play minor league baseball. He's quite a character. He chews tobacco like a machine, carrying around a clear plastic bottle to spit the juice into at regular intervals.

I once asked him if he took up chewing tobacco during his baseball years. He replied:

"Yeah, that and the drug habit".

Anyhow, he is full of the most amazing stories, accumulated through years of hard bus travel and post-game partying.

One night he was in a casual bar in Dallas with some friends, everyone was relaxing and drinking on a set of couches in the corner. An older man walked in, wearing a suit and full of vigor. He walked right up to Chet as if he had come looking for him, and took his hand, shaking vigorously as he introduced himself as "Dr. Johnson". He was carrying a brown shopping bag. He asked if he could sit down and join them.

He seemed like a friendly guy so they said "sure".

He put his bag down on the coffee table nearby and proceeded to tell stories and jokes to his amused new friends for hours. He was an amazing story teller and he had a very genuine, outgoing personality. At long last it was time for him to go.

He stood up and started to leave, then turned around, pointed to the bag he had brought, and said "You know, you guys are great. I want you to have this".

With that he walked out of the door and nobody at the table ever saw him again.

For quite a while they all stared at that bag and wondered what could possibly be in there. When they had a few more drinks and gained the courage to open it, they found a gift-wrapped box.

Inside was a gift-box of sex toys, titled, in bold letters: "Doc Johnson's Anal Intruders".

Yes, Dr. Johnson was quite a character after all.