All That's Left

This is all that's left of Wendy. She met a man yesterday and finally left home for good.

That is, except for this one lonely chip.

But we soon discovered that Wendy's essence was actually in this very chip all the time. Her heart and soul and brain and personality, all in this one little chunk of poplar wood. This is the true Wendy.

So we can keep her forever. And we will.

Love, In The Air

We're still lining up dates for Wendy for the weekend. In fact, one gentleman will be stopping by tonight to check her out. I'll let you know how it goes.

We also got a call from a woman who runs a day care. She said she immediately needs "a few" chips that she can superficially spread over the playground to pass a state inspection. Sounds like she really cares alot about the safety of the children at her daycare / child work camp. I made darn sure it was not Maddie's place.

A Shell Of Her Former Self

Sorry for the distinct lack of updates on Wendy. We have been really busy and she hasn't been saying much lately.

Last weekend the craigslist freeloaders came in voracious and shark-like. They fed off her in a gruesome and unholy frenzy. They left big holes in her sides, and scattered her parts all over the lawn and driveway. It was a terrible, terrible scene. When it was over, Wendy was reduced to the size of a few old washing machines.

But, she survived.

This weekend has been much slower. She had a couple bad dates, but nothing to write home about. She has been showering regularly due to our rainy weather. Yesterday I put some of her unused parts out behind the garage.

She's getting down to her last few hundred pounds. I think it will not be long now.

I'll keep you posted.

Shrinking And Thinking

Things are happening. Wendy has lost a few hundred more pounds. She has been quiet too, doesn't talk to me much anymore. And she's really crabby when she does.

I think she knows.

Shh.

Wendy

Our woodchip pile now officially has a life of its own. At some point during this adventure it acquired a name too: Wendy The Woody Mammoth.

With all this sweat and work, Wendy has lost some weight. I estimate hundreds and hundreds of pounds, maybe enough to fit into that size 1600 dress now. And with the fermentation, she's steaming hot, looking good, and ready to start spreading herself around.

In light of that, she's online now. We put her on Craigslist. I think of it as a sort or electronic dating service for giant woodpiles. We're trying to get her married off.

God help us if she ever has children.