I have been a little distressed lately, because I have to use a CPAP machine to sleep now due to my sleep apnea. I have a very mild case of apnea, but apparently it's enough to be dangerous so off I go into the wonderful world of high-pressure breathing apparatus.
I am more profoundly saddened by this very expensive, humming little machine than I ever thought I would be. I feel like I will never have a normal life again (as if I ever had one to begin with). I know I am supposed to "get used" to it, but it's claustrophobic, limiting, very un-sexy, and one big step closer to death. And talk about uncomfortable...it feels like trying to breathe with my head stuck out the window of a car on the expressway.
Last night was the first full night of my mad dance with the machine that I will name PAPzilla. I didn't sleep very well. I felt like I wasn't getting enough air, and the human body is designed to wake up when that happens. And as a little reminder, the mask of PAPzilla gave me very deep indentations in my face that show no signs of disappearing.
I know it's good for me, so I'll keep trying. But it's a challenging adventure, for sure.
