My hotel has a dreadful selection of television channels and I get pretty bored here at night, so last night I was trolling the TV for something watchable. There wasn't much so I settled on one of the three-letter-acronym channels (TBN, CBN, TNT, CNT, something like that) that was showing real-life murder investigations. After an hour or two of that they went right into a slew of fake muder investigations (CSI). I think the real ones were better, because you know they are real.
Anyhow, all of that is irrelevant because the reall scary stuff was the commercials. They hit me hard with all kinds of doomsday scenarios from Brinks Security...single woman getting ready for a blind date comes out of the shower to witness a Big Ugly Scary Man with a ski-mask on breaking into the house, only to see him scared away by the security system. I think the "date" scenario was their way of insuring you know that this helpless woman is also single.
It went on like this every commercial break. My favorite one though was the new Volvo S80 that has an optional heartbeat sensor so that if you are prone to believing the urban legend that a Big Ugly Scary Man is waiting for you in the backseat of your car you'll want to run right out and get one of these things. Of course the vulnerable and sexy woman was walking out to her Volvo at the far end of a dark lot in which it was the only car. She looked down at the key fob and saw the heartbeat sensor...and it was beating...
...I screamed. Give me the murder shows any day. That I can handle.
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