It's interesting to ponder the depth of our loathing to let go of those family and friends we've lost. My mother has been gone for over six years and I still sometimes open my phone to call her before I remember she's no longer here. I want to tell her about the new things in my life, ask her advice on things little and big, and have her comfort me when scary things come calling. It's really distressing every single time I realize that it's not possible any more. I think this uneasy feeling may be why I keep her on my mental speed-dial list.
My father has been gone much longer, and it disturbs me to no end that I cannot remember what his voice sounded like. I would have even more catching-up to do with him. So much water has passed under the bridge since he left us in early 1985, where would we start? He doesn't know about my career, moving to Arizona, marriage, kids, hiking, cooking, photography, moving back from Arizona, mom's later life in Grand Rapids, or the yearly reunions that have become such a big part of our family these past few years.
I wonder if he would feel like he didn't know me at all.
Yes, but then we would probably remember the go-kart we built together, skiing adventures, and long-ago Christmases in Oak Park, and it would be like old times again.
1 comment:
He would know you. He would know a lot more than you could imagine. You brought so much joy into the last 20 years of his life and he would be so proud of you now.
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