I spent seven hours in a car yesterday with a true, honest-to-goodness crazed sociopath. I can't go into too much detail, so you'll have to take my word for it, but rest easy: none of you know this guy.
And thank your lucky stars you don't.
Imagine seven hours with someone who seems very normal in mixed company, but who, when alone:
- Told unending outlandish stories of sexual conquests and wild orgies from all over the world, making himself sound like a charming cross between Caligula and John Holmes. No detail was left out. Nope, not even that one.
- Had very severe nervous habits, including tics, shudders, jerks, and hummingbird blinking twice every second. Also hummed a weird electrical-sounding buzz occasionally for no reason.
- Drove like a NASCAR driver with a death wish - severely aggressive, even for a sociopath. Tailgating cars angrily within a foot or so while shouting obscenities. Driving up to the turnpike ticket station so fast the attendant working in the booth leaped out and ran away.
- Ate more than 10,000 calories every couple of hours, all of it junk.
- Discussed in great detail his daily 4am morning workout, one that sounded more like a snuff film than a legitimate routine and included self torture.
- Admitted to being hated by most people, and his feeling is always mutual.
Yeah, all true.
Imagine that hitchhiker with the big bag in There's Something About Mary. That's a start.
Next time, I'll ride solo.
1 comment:
This guy works with you???
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