Balls

Wish me luck today, I'm gonna need it.

I am playing golf with my department at work. Now, normally that would seem to be a cool thing to do on a perfect sunny day, but it's not in my case.

I was never much into golf. I think my many years of high-focus baseball has pretty much insured that I will always swing a club like a bat. But it's even worse now, because I haven't golfed in at least ten years (literally, that's no exaggeration), indeed I haven't even so much as hit a ball or handled a club. Oh yeah, and my clubs: I've got a pretty crude set of starter clubs that have languished in my spider egg-pod and rodent-dropping-infested golf bag in the garage for far too long.

I do, however, have a very cool shark club sock for one of my lucky drivers. That counts for something.

When my boss asked me if I golfed in an effort to get me to participate in this event (oh, and by the way, there is a ringer foursome who are very good golfers that win this thing every year so winning is out of the question), my exact response was:

"I guess it depends on your definition of golf. I drink beer and drive golf carts with the best of them, but my drives usually end up ripping through groups of unsuspecting golfers on adjacent fairways, with occasionally disastrous results."

He said that would be fine, and to please bring in my $40 the following day.

Forty bucks, by the way, would by lots of beer at the Lotus. Don't think I haven't made that mental trade-off and scowled in agony.

At least this is a scramble, which means I can go for broke and try to contribute the only way I know how: I can hit the ball a mile when I connect properly. Not always in a straight line, and not always without injury, but occasionally my ball will be used and I will at least have that.

Usually the constant flow of cigars and beer help things out, but I fear this outing is a more spartan event, in keeping with these lean times. We'll be lucky to have a cart.

I had hoped for rain all week, mainly because we don't live in a hurricane-prone area. Bad weather would at least give me one more excuse to perform badly. But alas, it is a perfect day today.

Our team needed a name and my suggestion was "Four Guys With One Ball Each". We got our starting hole assignments yesterday and we start at hole 13. Fitting.

At least I have the shark.