I almost choked to death once on a stringy clam fragment at Howard Johnson's. Well, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but it sure felt that way to me, and possibly to the clam as well.
My family would often go to the orange-roofed restaurant for leisurely weekend dinners, filled with mid-50's-style American cuisine and supposedly good coffee.
I can't remember what the adults ate there, but Brian and I always got the same dishes every time we went, ordered straight from the 12-and-under menu. Brian was hip on "Plymouth Rocky", which was basically a mini Thanksgiving dinner made with processed turkey-food and MSG-laced gravy.
"Super Sailor" was my choice, although I am not sure why. It was a plate of stringy, tough, and rubbery clam strips, deep-fried and doused in tartar sauce. I wouldn't get near those things today if they were free and I was starving.
One fine day my family was at HJ's and I was chewing on a few dozen of the gummy things and when I swallowed one of them grabbed hold of my throat on the way down and tried to climb back up or kill me trying.
I leapt from the table, almost knocking Brian's turkey to the floor, ran around in tight circles in a complete and total wild-ass panic, and my short life passed before my eyes. Just as I was about to run towards the front door of the place and into the street, the offending clam fragment gave up and shot across the room, bouncing a few times on the tacky carpet for effect.
I looked around and saw that most of the people were staring at me, frozen in mid-bite, mouths agape.
After I composed myself, I sat down and ate the rest of my rubbery clam strips.
5 comments:
A great post, though I have to wonder where that came from in the midst of having a baby :-)
I used to get those miserable clams all the time. I think they came with shoestring french fries, did't they?
I kind of miss Howard Johnson's. It was an American institution. Plus, they used to serve this ice cream that came out of the scoop in a really weird shape, kind of like a clown hat - remember that?
It is amazing what old memories are dredged up by the mind during a fitful night of half-sleep.
My mother used to bring those "fish flavored gummy worms" home to us from the restaurant where she worked. Yummy.
They sell an industrial version of this tasty treat at White Castle's these days. Let's get some next week when you're back in the groove.
They still sell them in the frozen food section at Hillers.
There is a warning on the box that says "choking hazard."
How dare you dis my precious fried clams! I'll admit, HoJo's didn't have the best ones but I still order them from time to time. Remember, I had them in Cedarville where the crazy waitress harassed us? I ordered fried clams in Massechusettes once. Bad idea. On the east coast they fry the whole thing, globby guts and all.
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