As you may recall, we set out for a kayaking adventure on Friday and spent the weekend doing various "Up Northy" things. Carol and Zach and Jack would stay in Harbor Springs until the kayak trip was over, then meet us at the hotel in Cedarville.
The four kayakers, Mary, Mark, Bri, and Me, would be setting out on an epic adventure of waves and wind, overseen by Woods & Water Ecotours. We would paddle between a multitude of luxurious green islands, landing on one to hike. A great lunch would be provided, which we would eat on the sand amongst the trees.
That's the way it was supposed to happen anyhow. The reality was somewhat different, as it always is. But everyone stayed calm and the outing was fun...just a "different fun" than we had planned.
I was, in fact, spectacularly bad at kayaking. They kept telling me "it's all in your hips", but I never really got my "Sea Ass", I guess.
Oh, I have plenty of excuses. Less than four minutes of lifetime experience. Finding myself caught bundled up in a log jam of other novices. Pretty high waves and a stiff headwind...But I will not deploy them, and will instead just tell you what happened and let you decide.
We arrived at the embarkation site early, due to my brother Mark's incessant fear of being late. The water was as calm as a mill pond when we arrived. Of course, the people running the show were methodical in their training, and repeated everything important several times while speaking slowly enough so that a mollusk could have learned to paddle if it had any arms.
Finally we were fitted out in our appropriate kayaks, we were "one" with them. Well, we were as "one" as you can legally be with a large piece of blow-molded polyethylene. Mine was a long skinny orange Easky with a drop down tracking stabilizer.
By the time "indoctrination and fitting season" was over, the wind had picked up and the lake was getting rough.
My camera, cell phone and wallet were snuggled inside a dry sack. GPS was on, ready to record the amazing voyage. Nothing left to do now but paddle out and start exploring.
Hoooooooooooonnnnk.....BANG!
Just as we were getting ready to shove off, one of the itinerant employees backed out of the lot into the only other running automobile within fifty miles and ripped a huge gash in the side of it with his hitch. Or, more accurately, his girlfriend's hitch, since he was driving her truck.
We watched from the beach, leaning on our paddles as a nearby neighbor lady brought out a big shiny tray of coffee, tea, and for all I know, crumpets. Yes, accident refreshments. There were people drinking coffee and talking about sheet metal damage in the middle of the road. It took forever for the state policeman to arrive. He must have been just starting his donut at the coffee shop when the call came.
When he did arrive he was confronted by two different but equally compelling versions of the truth. On the one hand was the itinerant kayak master from Florida who backed out into the road. He argued that the old man in the Buick was speeding, all horn and no brakes. Strangely, he kept saying, as if it mattered, that "This truck is paid off. This truck is paid off". We took an impromptu poll on the spot and none of us had any idea why that would matter in this case.
Old "Buick Speeder" immediately started telling the police officer about his heroic World War II accomplishments. This went on for quite a while. The officer's eyes glazed over, matching ours.
It was at this point that Brian proclaimed that I would roll over in my kayak and be wet less than 90 seconds after launching. I took offense to that. After all, I am very coordinated and have never had a problem skiing or standing up on a rolling bike. He kept on proclaiming though. Now my honor was on the line.
When the big legal matter over the crash was all settled, we got ready to push off again. Everyone was launched one by one. I was last. I shoehorned myself in my boat and was pushed off, and was immediately hit with a sense of unbalance. It took me a few minutes to feel a little stable, but I was like a Stealth Bomber, requiring constant computer correction and I couldn't spare any brain time on anything but keeping myself right side up.
15 seconds. Still doing it! Must get pointed into the waves or I'll go down fast.
The next phase of the adventure involved us all getting bunched up together like so many Cheerios so we could head out in the same direction.
60 seconds, wobbly, but still vertical and breathing air.
As I got aligned with the waves, I heard the first victim go down. Calls of "Over!" from the staff had us all looking at the poor bastard, floundering in the surf.
90 seconds. Maybe I can do this! Take that Bri! Woah. Need to concentrate...
Paddling...moving against this wind is not easy. Mark says our bodies are like sails.
Four minutes. I can probably cross Lake Huron if I keep it up.
Floundering Guy, now back in boat, rams me hard, comes up on my starboard, and asks if we can just tie up together and each paddle one side. I look at him panicking next to me, soaked and disheveled, and decide that's a bad idea.
I hear shouts indicating another victim of the waves, a woman I think. I don't risk my balance trying to turn and look.
Fifteen minutes. Paddle, paddle. Twenty minutes! Paddle.
We are slowly leaving the safety of the shoreline, and although the waves are a little bigger out here, I seem to have my stroke down and my balance is good. I think I might just be ab....
Splunk!
Upside down. Water in my face. No sound. I am stuck in the kayak. I am strangely calm. Let me try to get my legs out of the knee holders and bring them together. Yes, that's it. Now swim to the surface. It's deep here. As I break the surface I hear the now-familiar screams of "Over!", uttered for me this time. I choked on a mouthful of the lake for a few minutes, but the water was warmer than I thought it would be, and surprisingly tasty.
I lasted 23 minutes. It took me a few more to get back in the kayak, with the help of a couple staff members. I was finally in place and ready to paddle again, when...
"Over!"
Mark was next in line to drink of Lake Huron. He went over pretty fast. Unfortunately, when he came up from under water, his $80 sunglasses were gone. Every cloud has a silver lining though, for amazingly, his hat (which he got free) was still on his head!
After Mark went over, they called us all in to the shore. Our kayaking trip was over. They offered to let us go on a hike to compensate, which some did, and also gave us a "free pass" for next time we were "in the area" and wanted to kayak.
So ended our big kayaking adventure. Total instructional time: 2 hours. Total time in the water: 26 minutes. Total distance paddled: 1,584 feet (0.3 miles).
Perhaps some day I can try again. With a little more practice time, a little calmer water, and a little bit wider kayak, maybe I can make it six minutes next time.
Maybe.
3 comments:
Wow! Just remember that however long you lasted would be way longer then I would've. Good for you for trying!!!
...or maybe next time I can go with a more experienced group!
Seriously, our adventure was probably a lot more laughs than the originally planned tour would have been. M
Post a Comment