Snails On Rails

All this posting about biking lately has got me remembering my own favorite bike story. I had almost forgotten the pain, the misery, the hardship of this trip.

It was the early 90's and we signed up to go on a two-day bike ride across western Michigan, from Kalamazoo to Grand Haven. This was a "Rails to Trails" route, which we came to find out, means you ride on the rough pea gravel of an old rail track. At least they were kind enough to remove the rail ties.

We arrived the night before and stayed in a hotel. The knock on our came about an hour too early. It was a Japanese guy named "Joe" Brian worked with. I forgot he was coming along. He didn't speak much English and I was concerned that he would slow us down. And when I saw his equipment my heart sank. We were in trouble.

He came dressed in a strange assortment of cheesy tourist clothing mixed with black socks pulled up knee-high, and dress shoes. He wore a helmet, because they were required, but I had never seen one so silvery-shiny before.

As for his riding gear, the situation didn't get much better. His bike (Mountain bike REQUIRED said the brochure) was a two-decade-old ten speed with super-skinny road tires on it, hideously cracked and weathered. Not good with pea gravel. He solved the issue of the uncomfortable ten-speed seat by strapping an entire bed pillow on it with a leather belt!

No, I am not making this up. And I'm not done yet.

His water supply consisted of a toddler sippy cup with a depiction of the Cookie Monster on it. It probably held 8-ounces or so of water, tops.

He looked, for lack of a better word, HILARIOUS, lined up with all the other, much better equipped bikers. Everyone was staring at him.

Everyone.

What followed was two days of very hard pedaling in a one-hundred percent humid, hot environment full of mosquitoes. We worked very hard and strained many muscles, but finally made it to the destination. We were broken people.

So how did Joe do?

When the ride started he took off at a startling pace and we never saw him again. I think he finished about a half day before us.

I'll never judge a book by its cover again.