Recollections

As I was driving the Five-Hundred for the last time, I looked around and thought about the last three years and made a mental list of things I liked and didn't like about it.

Likes:

The air conditioning in this thing is like an arctic wind. It could freeze the cajones off a polar bear. Very powerful...very cold, very fast. And if you don't have automatic temperature control in your car, you don't know what you're missing. It's the best option you can get in a car. Well, except the stereo. I'm going to miss this.

Huge, four-body, mafia-friendly trunk. The biggest trunk you can get on any car, period. On any car, period. Why did I say that twice? I didn't. That's how big the trunk is. (Let me know if you don't get it, I can help).

The "desk" built into the dashboard. I can keep my pens in there. I can keep my cards in there. I like the desk.

The CVT. A transmission that never shifts, yet is always in the right gear. And it works.

All-wheel drive. This car rips through the snow like a team of sled dogs on crack.

It's very comfortable. In every way. Quiet. Smooth. Big inside. Cushy seats. Headroom enough for an adolescent giraffe with a hat on. This car is like an old, friendly couch that takes you places.

Dislikes:

The beige color blends in with concrete almost perfectly. This car is invisible. I could drive on the sidewalk, running over pedestrians like so many road cones, and nobody would notice. I can't count how many times people on the freeway have tried to change into my lane on top of me.

The moon roof shade rattles and it drives me nuts! I had to stuff an old ski hat in it. Did I remember to remove that before turning the car in?

The driver's side rear door seal is loose, door very hard to close. I think there was a TSB issued for this, but I never had the time to go get it done.

Crappy stereo, made for people who hate music. More tinny than that silver guy in The Wizard of Oz. But less creepy too, so...its a trade-off I guess.

No input for my iPod. I have a zillion songs on there and no good way to get them into my stereo. I am forced to listen to those old shiny music discs...what are they called again?

No ambient lighting...WTF? Don't all cars have ambient lighting now?