Vestigiality

Poor dude. Days after even the most liberal of health care plans would kick out a heart transplant recipient, Dennis is still languishing in the hospital. He's had complications, palpitations, and undulations related to the surgical removal of his vermiform appendix. So much trouble for an organ that probably has no function (I know, I know, recent evidence says that it may have functionality related to the immune system, or perhaps gut flora, but that is unimportant when you are in pain).

Anyhow, Dennis, I hope you get better soon. And if the whole is better that the sum of the parts, well then you are getting less complicated, at least.

:)

P.S. Incidentally, Dennis, treat your sphincter with care (from now on), because:

"Doctors in the last decade have stopped removing the appendix during other surgical procedures as a routine precaution, because it can be successfully transplanted into the urinary tract to rebuild a sphincter muscle and reconstruct a functional bladder." - Wikipedia

Surreal Pond

Petoskey, MI

Lucky & Unlucky 7

Boat Marker & Osprey Nest, Boca Grande, Florida

Stone Palace

Part of Henry Ford's estate, Fair Lane, Dearborn

Paparazzi

Maddie, like all stars, contends with the throngs of picture-happy snoops during her daycare Christmas play.

Detroit Iron

The Ghost Of Christmas Cursed

It was a difficult Christmas this year. Again. Two years ago, if you recall, I almost severed my finger in a folding chair and spent a good part of the 25th in the E.R. That was the first appearance of what has become a Christmas Curse upon my sphere of friends and family.

This year we got a grim and terrible stomach bug, which we could all see coming like the wave at a baseball game. Eventually it caught and engulfed all of us (except Zach, he seems to have a super-human immune system and hasn't been truly sick in years). I got it on Christmas Eve and was sick on the 25th, true to the promise of The Curse.

I think this is a result of the fact that I never believed in Santa Claus.

Just to sweeten the deal, The Curse also took Dennis out, he had his appendix removed on Christmas Day. We all just can't wait to see what happens next year. I'm hoping for some good old-fashioned Old Testament stuff, locusts perhaps, or a plague.

A Big, Super-Sweet Merry Christmas To You!

It's Warm Inside

A Leg Up

Old Stone

Greenfield Village, Dearborn, MI

Two Sizes Too Small

Well, we're almost ready for another fun-filled, roller coaster ride of a Christmas here in the frigid midwest. Most of the commercialism has been comitted to plastic and the yearly escalation of electronics under the tree continues unabated. Remember the simpler days when Christmas trees were $7 (our Frasier Fur was $40 this year) and nothing required batteries installed using microscopic screwdrivers to operate?

Ever Wonder Where Rock & Roll Got It From?

Bessie Smith - Empty Bed Blues (Recorded 1928)

I woke up this morning
with awful aching head

My new man had left me
Just a room and an empty bed

Bought me a coffee grinder,
Got the best one I could find

So he could grind my coffee
Cause he had a brand new grind

He's a deep-sea diver,
With a stroke that can't go wrong

He can touch the bottom,
And his wind holds out so long

He knows how to thrill me
And he thrills me night and day

Oh, he's got a new way of loving
Almost takes my breath away

Oh, he's got that sweet something
And I told my girlfriend Lou

But the way she's ravin'
She must have gone and tried it too

When my bed get empty
Make me feel awful mean and blue

My springs are gettin' rusty
Sleepin' single like I do

Bought him a blanket
Pillow for his head at night

And I bought him a mattress
So he could lay just right

He came home one evening
With his spirit way up high

What he had to give me
Made me ring my hands and cry

He give me a lesson
That I never had before

When he got through teachin' me
From my elbow down was sore

He boiled my first cabbage
And he made it awful hot

When he put in the bacon
It overflowed the pot

When you get good lovin'
Never go and spread the news

It'll build up to cross you
And leave you with them empty bed blues

Behind The Times

Zach has a Nintendo DS. I have heard that you can get the DS on your home WiFi network and also link two of them together to play a game that only one of them has installed.

So, I studied up on how to do this so he can try it with his friends. I know everything about how to get a WiFi connection setup for our router, and how to perform the actions necessary to link two DS's together for "Download Play". It took me an hour to read all the finer points.

When I excitedly told Zach this morning, he said, without even looking up from his game of Mario Kart:

"I know, Dad, Rahul and I play like that all the time."

I should have known.

"What Lovely Big Ones!"

The things they write into children's books nowadays...


"What lovely big ones!" said a deep voice nearby. It was Old Ned, the donkey.

"Aren't they just!" said Mrs. Hen with relief. "They were certainly worth the wait!"

- Chicks

One Eye Open

Maddie didn't want to sleep last night. And when Madds doesn't sleep, nodoby does. A frustrated Zach said this morning on the way to school:

"I hardly got any sleep...I only got to dream a half a dream."

I Broke My P

Yes, the "P" key on my work laptop has become severed from it's mounting. I can still type "P"s, but it is very awkward. It's unfortunate, because I use that letter quite often. Now, if it had been "F" that broke, I wouldn't be able to work anymore...

Über-Comfy La Brea Tar-Pit Of A Devil Bed

We have a bed that is nearly impossible to climb out of in the morning, especially a cold morning. It's a spacious king, with super-thick featherbed below and super-thick down comforter above. This acre of an evil bed traps us in a sandwich of comfort so complete, it's like being suspended in a warm marshmallow cloud. There is a feeling of weightlessness, a true out-of-body sensory revelation that whispers in our ears that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to skip work today and possibly tomorrow and perhaps forever, and lounge in luxurious toastiness until the world ends. All in all, it wouldn't be a bad way to go.

Binary Chemistry

I dreamt that something on my bookshelf caught my eye as I walked by. One of the books was jumping a little, like the Mac dock items when they want to get your attention. And it was glowing softly.

It was my old chemistry book from college. The fact that this book is actually packed away in a box in the basement didn't seem to bother the continuity checkers in dream.

I opened the book and was quite surprised to see that it had been updating itself with my emails. My recent emails were appended to the front of the text of the book on matching typeset quality pages. As I was gazing at the book, a new email came in. I had just sent it that evening.

Why my chemistry book was keeping my emails, I will of course, never know. I did love that old book, if I had to choose I would say it's my favorite textbook. I loved the feel of the extra-smooth pages and it had a wonderful smell. The new textbook smell, but even better. This was the book that first taught me about moles and electron clouds, pH and Rare Earth Elements.

And now it was reading my emails. Sneaky little thing, this book.

Sometimes, When She's Especially Annoying, I Dream Of...

Coco Brownies

Soft butter, for greasing the pan
Flour, for dusting the buttered pan
4 large eggs
1 cup sugar, sifted
1 cup brown sugar, sifted
8 ounces melted butter
1 small, irritating, drama-queen of a dog named Coco, pummeled
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup flour, sifted
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Butter and flour an 8-inch square pan. Beat the eggs until fluffy. Add remaining ingredients, including irritating dog, and mix to combine. Don't be gentle.

Pour the batter into a greased and floured 8-inch square pan and pound down any furry lumps. Bake for 45 minutes. When done, remove to a rack to cool. Scrape of any excess fur. Serve at room temp.

Verbosity

Ok, I can't say who, but one of my regular readers has indicated to me on more than one occasion that he (or she) thinks my posts are too long. He (or she) says that I need to keep my posts down to one paragraph or less. It is his (or her) opinion that longer posts turn people off and nobody really wants to read my drivel anyway. Don't try to guess who this person is, by the way, I will never let on.

So, what do you think?

Wrestling With Big, Hairy, Creepy, Black Dreams

Zach had another nightmare last night. He has been really infested with them lately. I guess it's the end result of some big equation involving sugar, homework, and creepy movies.

So I went to his room and laid down with him. We both fell asleep and I woke up a few hours later in serious pain with my head wedged up against the wall. It took a while to regain my normal spinal geometry, and meanwhile I felt like there was a rusty railroad spike jammed between two of my cervical vertebrae.

The good news is, no dragons crashed through the wall into Zach's room during the time I was there. No ghouls crept in through the window either. And I'm pretty sure nothing large and hairy crawled from under the bed and eviscerated us.

That's gotta be worth a stiff neck, right?

It's A "New Yaz" Friday!

I am venturing into the "New Lebanon" area of Dearborn today to satisfy our most recent New Yasmeen Bakery fix. "New Yaz" is a great middle eastern cafeteria-style restaurant. They serve up a staggering variety of delicious and authentic food from Syria, Lebanon, and the rest of the middle east. Hummus, Babagannouge, Mujadarah, Dolmas, Kibbeh, Tabbouleh, and a host of other mouthwatering delights await. We love the piping-hot flat breads too, with halloumi cheese and zaatar. And of course, some form of baklava for dessert. They have at least twenty kinds of it.

I'll also make sure to pick up a fresh supply of their Tahini...without which it would be impossible for me to make hummus (yummus!).

So if you need me later, I'll be happy to help you...after dinner.

Chattanooga, City Of Wonders

Zach fell hook, line & sinker for a tourism commercial yesterday. Usually quite a shrewd character, he nonetheless sat, eyes glued to the TV as the narrator (working hard for the Chattanooga, Tennessee Chamber of Commerce) talked about all the reasons you should want to add his lovely city to your list of must-see destinations.

They showed a giant glass aquarium wall...

"Look at that huge aquarium!"

...then a tram going up the side of a hill...

"Wow! A train that goes up a mountain!!"

...a restaurant scene looking out over the water at sunset...

"AND LOOK WHERE WE GET TO EAT!!!"

Avogadro Dimitri Alexander

I had a cactus in college named Avogadro Dimitri Alexander. Dimitri was a tiny thing, which is to say he was no Saguaro. But he was a good cactus, and sharp as a tack. He survived most of the abuse that a college lifestyle can dish out to a poor little plant outside his native environment. I say "most of", because he did die eventually, of extreme neglect.

Pouring On The Hurt

Everyone knows somebody who is either accident prone, drawn to misfortune, or possesses unusual back luck. Well, my brother knows their king. No, more like their Emperor. This guy doesn't just have back luck, he IS back luck. A whole raft of rabbits feet couldn't touch this guy. He has sustained more bizarre injuries, had more freak accidents, than any ten people you know. And yet, inexplicably, he lives on.

Here is a partial list of things that have happened to Kenny (not his real name). If you have any doubt that all these things could happen to a single person, you need only meet him. You would realize in an instant that all of this and more is true. Kenny...

• Was attacked by dogs, leaving his back badly scarred.


• Was run over by a truck.


• Lost his foot in a lawn mower accident (his drunk uncle was chasing him).


• Hit a telephone pole with his car.


• Lost his arm in a tractor accident.


• Lost a hand and some additional fingers in a motorcycle accident.


• Got in a second motorcycle accident, no limbs lost.
  
• Fractured his penis during sex, and had to be airlifted to a regional hospital.


• Fractured his shoulder in multiple places, and while he was at the hospital he saw his mother there. She had just come in injured after totaling Kenny's car.


• Endured his father-in-law being sentenced to nine years in prison for embezzling (not an injury per se but still part of his legend).


• Was shot in the leg by his brother while hunting rabbits, when one ran between them.


• Burned his parents kitchen down.

Alas, that is but a taste, there are many more. My brother was able to obtain this list from Kenny at great personal risk earlier this year when they went to a rough country bar to ride the mechanical bull.

Kenny fell off.

Land Of The Dead

This is the cemetery in which my parents are buried. We went there recently. Zach said of their graves "we saw grandma and granpa's tomb". Tomb. Funny how kids think.

Superfly TNT

First Annual Caption Contest

C'mon, give it your best shot. I know you're thinking of a good one...

Isurus Glaucus Zacharias

Can you tell he's my son?

No Tiny Livers Were Harmed In The Filming Of This Blog

Can you tell she's my daughter?

Reaping Grimness

I saw a dead person yesterday.

Well, I think it was a dead person. There was a blanket-covered human-sized lump lying on the freeway with stopped cars and police and bystanders orbiting it. My powers of deduction lead me to believe this was a dead person. It was too big to be a dog, there are no chimps around here, and I don't think a deer would warrant that kind of attention. If I had to guess, I would say someone was trying to cross the freeway, and didn't quite clear the SUV. Spontaneous freeway crossings are a bad idea anywhere, and especially dangerous here in the Motor City, home to some of the fastest and most aggressive drivers this side of Baja.

This may surprise some of you, but I really don't like seeing accidental deaths. I cringe when someone sends me a video of someone dying in some spectacular way. These things affect me for days. I had a bad experience watching "Faces of Death" as an impressionable adolescent, perhaps that is where it came from. Or maybe it was "Stand By Me", that disturbed me too.

I have seen at least two other dead people in my life, both encountered right after their respective "incidents". The first was in the 80's, I was working at my university over the summer, installing computer networks. One day I heard a loud noise and ran to see what it was. A semi-truck had been delivering something in the receiving dock and had struck a large beam on the building, which then fell onto the cab and crushed it like a pop can. I waited around for the fire department and watched as they slowly cut the guy out. He had a large red area on his head, which was also misshapen, and his skin was grey. Twenty five years old.

A few years after that I was driving down a road near my house and saw a motorcycle lying on its side off the road. I slowed down the car and saw the rider lying nearby, head bent in a very unnatural and non-life-supporting way. He had ridden off the road and hit a sign post.

My memory of those deaths doesn't seem to fade much as I get farther from them in time. I suppose I'll be adding this latest one to my mental Library of Death.

Colors

Do you like the new colors?

Seeing What Develops

Dennis has been going through a sentimental phase in his photography and is slowly but surely returning to using film. I have not been able to figure out exactly why, but I think he finds a certain romantic value in reliving the past, much like reading a Jane Austen novel or playing polo I suppose. So he's been collecting cellulose and gear, lever and cartridge, in order to bring the past back in style. And it's all good, I can really appreciate the different "looks" you can get with film. I admire him for his guts too, he's like a big egg-bloated salmon fighting the currents of fashion upstream to an uncertain end. I only hope he doesn't move on to something truly dangerous, like tintypes. There are some toxic and illegal chemicals involved there.

Today's lunch-time adventure involved a search for a Tungsten filter to combat the light balance shift of using outdoor film indoors. The photo store ended up not having the right adapter. They thought they did, but apparently they haven't re-ordered since the late 80's when they sold their last one. It is interesting to note that the light balance problem has been solved electronically for digital captures, this filter is only required for film. But that would be far too easy.

Today's mission was a setback, yes, but Dennis doesn't give up easily once he has his mind set on something. I'm sure we'll be scouring the city for this adapter very soon.

The quest for authenticity has a funny side too. Once at a different camera store he asked the sales guy if they sold slide projectors. The dude looked at us like we surely must have spent the last three decades in a Gulag and said "Sorry, time machine's broken".

At The Speed Of Light

Our electricity went out yesterday morning, due to a downed power line nearby. As hooked into electronics as my 21st century family is, it was quite an event. Pretty much everything requires juice nowadays to be entertaining or functional. Those funny looking book-things on the shelves around the house are supposed to have stories in them, but I can't really remember how to use one. Anyhow, we found to our surprise that our existence didn't immediately terminate under those primitive conditions.

Zach and I decided to play HeroScape. It was just light enough in his room to see the game. After a while, I suggested he turn on his room light so we knew when the power came back on. He got up and turned the switch on. No light, of course. Then he decided he'd rather turn on the little light on his dresser instead. He turned the first light switch off and walked to his dresser and turned on the desk lamp. LIGHT!!!

We both looked at each other like we must have lost our minds. Did the desk lamp have a battery backup or something? He went over and turned on the main room light switch again. LIGHT!!!

The power came back on in between the time he turned off the first switch and turned on the desk lamp. Go figure.

St. Patrick's Church, Near Belding, MI